Fear of Food

let yourself live and bake these cookies

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This time of year can really fuck with your head. These last two months leading up to the New Year are full of sweet treats, parties, tons of great food, and many unanswered emails. People have been saving up recipes and practicing all year to cook their asses off for friends and family. There are potlucks, office parties, church events, and plenty of boozy Friendsmas Eve gatherings. We eat to celebrate the season, to honor out of town guests, and to have a good fucking time as the days grow colder. This is what so many of us look forward to all year. Then January 1^st arrives, and we spend the next couple months shaming ourselves for indulging in holiday cookies, getting second helpings, and not turning down those nightly cups of hot cocoa. This year let’s do better.

Harlow can’t see the haters

I refuse to feel bad for enjoying myself. What’s a couple of pounds and tighter pants when all the icebergs are melting? I’ve always been someone who loves food (hence my job) and can never turn down a good holiday spread. But every new year I would throw myself back at the feet of the gym to atone for my sin of enjoying life. I would sweat out every extra helping until I felt properly punished. Then 2020 ruined my self-hating routine. Left to my own devices, I did nothing. There was no gym, no yoga, no at-home workout that could get me to care. The winter weight stayed, became my new weight, and then I grew some more. Three years later, I’m heavier but with a better perspective: there are much worse things than gaining weight.

Food is not your enemy. Food is neutral, so change your fucked up thinking. There are no such things as “bad foods”- unless we’re talking about artificial shit and other industrial food products which aren’t food at all. They’re just addictive filler. Eat real food made by people using natural ingredients. That’s about it. Stop worrying if you’re eating all the “right foods” and start paying attention to how you feel after you eat. What’s good for someone else might not be good for you. So many of us have been eating foods for years that fuck us up but we’re too deep into it to notice. Have debilitating stomach cramps after you eat stuff with broccoli in it? Stop eating broccoli. Had a stuffy nose for 20 years? Lay off the dairy products. Chia seeds might make Hailey Bieber glow but they make me feel like I’m gonna wreck my pants. There is no substitute for self-study and listening to your body. Find the foods that you love to eat and make you feel like you could fight John Cena. That’s how you should live year-round.

Part of being healthy is being kind to yourself. Don’t have that extra slice of cake at the party if you are only going to beat yourself up about it. That sucks and ruins the taste. Grabbed a piece of Tina’s banana bread and it tastes like shit? Don’t eat it. Only eat what makes you feel good in the moment AND in the future. Who cares what Tina thinks? Not me. Enjoy every calorie you put into your body and exercise as much as you want to feel good about yourself. Who gives a shit if you gain a couple pounds? Change is inevitable. I don’t want anyone to be unhealthy but there’s about 100 miles between some extra fluff on your midsection and a worried medical professional. There is no right way to have a body but there are misguided ways to live. Denying yourself food during the holiday season because of a fear of a few pounds or social judgment is no way to spend your time. You and food deserve way better.

So as the cookie tins start getting passed around at the office, remember that there shouldn’t be a number on the scale that you’re waiting to see before you’re allowed to enjoy your life. Don’t defer your happiness for some unknown time in the future. You might not ever get there. This holiday season, make your own happiness a priority. And if you want to bake something sweet, start here. 

As a holiday thank you, I’m taking off the paywall for all the holiday treats from last year. Cooking for you guys every week is such a treat and I wanna share the wealth.