Ho-ing Thru The Holidays

a sweet treat to keep you jolly

The holidays are here but don’t worry, they’re almost over too. We’re entering that time of year where everything slows down and the world gets quiet. And given how things have been, we could all use the fucking break. 

So for you, our most dear and precious supporters, we have a sweet little treat. While Matt and I have been preparing to take our first time off for the holidays EVER, shutting down the studio, and setting away messages, we started debating the best cookies for this time of year. Ya know, what was fine enough to put out for Santa vs what was too good to even share with our families. And while there’s lots of solid winter cookies, there’s one that is our personal favorite.  

So here is our one and only Snickerdoodle recipe, originally published in Fast as Fuck, right here for you, our gorgeous supporters. We’d hate for you to miss out on such an outrageously good cookie just because you don’t own one of our books. Plus, you whip everything together in your food processor. Easy as driving a sled. 

originally from our third book Bad Manner: Fast As Fuck

Snickerdoodles

Makes 24 but that really depends on how fucking big you want your cookies

1⁄2 cup olive oil

1⁄4 cup coconut oil

1 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar*

1⁄3 cup almond milk

2 cups all-purpose flour or whole wheat pastry flour

2 teaspoons cream of tartar**

1 teaspoon baking soda

1⁄4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

Crank up your oven to 400°F. Set out a baking sheet.

Add the olive oil, coconut oil, 1 cup of the sugar, and the almond milk to a food processor and run that motherfucker until everything is all creamed up together. Add the flour, cream of tartar, baking soda, and salt, then pulse until the dough comes together. If your dough still looks a little dry, just add more almond milk 1 tablespoon at a time until that fucker starts acting right.

On a small plate, mix together the remaining 2 tablespoons sugar and the cinnamon and set aside.

Dump the dough out on the counter and start making balls about the size of a golf ball. Roll them around in the cinnamon mixture and then put them on the baking sheet. Gently press them down a little with a fork so that they look artisan. Bake until the bottoms look all golden, 8 to 10 minutes. Let them cool for at least 5 minutes before you dive in.

* This might seem like a fuck-ton of sugar, but it’s half of what you’d find in a traditional recipe. So chill.

** It’s an acidic powder that’s a by-product of winemaking. It’s an old-school ingredient you’ll find with the spices or next to the baking shit at the store.  It gives the cookies their classic taste, so don’t skip it.

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In reality, we’ll be hibernating 📸: Lauren Hurt

As a reminder, we’re off the next 2 weeks. We hope you’re gonna get a lil peace and quiet for yourself too. We know you’ve earned it. 

Thank you again for supporting us here. We couldn’t do any of this without you. We hope you have a wonderful holiday season; no matter how or if you celebrate. 

See you motherforkers next year!

Michelle and Matt