Pablo Eggscobar

poultry smugglers, sex and candy

Welcome to another edition of 🔥The Broiler Room🔥 and this week we’ve got lots of news to chew, so let’s dive right in:

The ouroboros of outrage never ends. Remember a couple months ago when M&M’s changed one of the mascot's shoes and some cable news hosts had a panic attack about it? Strap in because it has, unfortunately, gotten much fucking dumber. Mars just announced that M&Ms will officially be saying goodbye to their iconic anthropomorphic candies, citing the recent culture wars as the impetus. 

We won’t see Santa and the M&M’s jump scare each other during the holidays anymore because some weirdos were upset that candy didn’t look fuckable. Slightly unrelated but did y’all know that Mars Inc refers to individual M&M’s as lentils? They must be doing yoga over at the Mars offices because THAT is a fucking stretch. 

KRON4 News @kron4news

While it’s technically not incorrect to call an individual M&M’s candy an “M&M,” the brand’s parent company — Mars, Incorporated — refers to each colorful bit of candy-coated chocolate as a “lentil.”

trib.alDo you know what individual M&M’s candies are called?While it’s technically not incorrect to call an individual M&M’s candy an “M&M,” the brand’s parent company — Mars, Incorporated — refers to each colorful bit of candy-coated chocolate by a…

Chipotle announced that ahead of burrito season (lol WHAT) they will be hiring an additional 15,000 employees. A spokesperson for the chain explained that March-May are their busiest months which they attribute to daylight savings and kids being back in school. We live in California where burritos thrive year round, so good luck getting your burrito body without commiting to the lifestyle. Consistency is key.

Speaking of billion dollar companies and their low-wage employees, the current CEO of McDonald’s, who makes a stupid amount of money, said that increasing employees wages would “destroy jobs”. He’s specifically referring to states that passed legislation, like California’s AB257, that would require fast food businesses to raise employee wages and create an oversight committee. We discussed the bill in a previous newsletter so refresh as needed.

McDonald’s argument against pro-worker legislation being “job killing, anti-business” sounds pretty fucking tone-deaf considering they’ve slowly been replacing their own labor force with kiosks to amass billions in revenue without reinvesting it the very communities they operate in by paying livable wages. BUT as CEO this dude’s responsibility is only to the shareholders and we have Dodge to thank for that. 

Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji

Would you flip burgers for a salary of $350k per year? You would? Damn sounds like people are ok with working, it's the money that's the problem

Egg prices still got you down? Consider the black market! The US Border Patrol has reported a spike in people attempting to bring uncooked eggs and poultry meat across the Mexico-US border. Which, yes, is illegal. Prices in Mexico for a dozen eggs have remained between $1.59 and $2.71 whereas the US average last month was $4.25. Enter a smuggli… uh, business opportunity. At this rate, people are gonna be painting potatoes for Easter. 

the first rule of smuggling seems like it’d be maybe don’t label the box??

This week marks the final installment of our Soup Series in our Sunday newsletter. Tomorrow our recipe club will get a Loaded Tortilla Soup that satisfies like a chili with the finesse of hearty soup. Want the recipe? Not a member? Easy way to fix that. 

Until next week, keep your knives sharp and stay hungry. 🔪

Matt (and Michelle)