Paradigm Gift
how gift shopping is overrated and why you should go homemade
Every year after Thanksgiving, the curated curse of consumerism known as gift guides are launched into our inboxes and feeds. They’re always full of endlessly trendy shit like single use kitchen tools to solve problems you don’t have and affiliate links to a product you’ve never heard of but the curator swears by it. Do we all really need to buy new blenders every year? Toasters to match our counters? Or shitty little air fryers which are just convection ovens with a new, exciting name? No. No we don’t.
Right now the world is weird, money is tight, and all the shit you don’t need to buy is probably stuck on a boat somewhere. So make this the year to gift something meaningful. Don’t waste time and money on generic crap just to check off some imaginary requirement. You don’t have to get anyone anything. And if you can’t tell your loved ones that maybe you don’t wanna exchange gifts this year without them being bratty about it, then you might wanna reexamine those relationships. Your mere presence in their life is a present and they should be so grateful. Gifts, regardless of the season or reason, are supposed to be acts of thoughtful generosity, not mindless consumerism. Don’t buy into the bullshit.
If you still feel like spreading some thoughtful cheer, why not go homemade? It’s classy, it’s thoughtful, and in this day and age, wildly original. So in the spirit of the season, here’s our holiday gift guide.
1. Hot chocolate mix
Everyone loves hot chocolate. Plus our hot chocolate mix excludes one of the biggest allergens out there because there’s no dairy. Make a huge batch, fill up some cute jars, and write the instructions in your fanciest handwriting on a notecard. People will think it’s adorable. And once they taste it you might even get a handwritten thank you card back. Yeah, it’s that good.
2. Pancake Mix
Everyone loves pancakes and this mix recipe is a classic. Again, throw this in a jar, write out the instructions, and wait. One morning they’ll remember this is in their pantry and be so fucking excited that you took care of breakfast for them.
All Purpose Pancake Mix
Makes 4 ½ cups
4 cups all-purpose flour or whole wheat pastry flour
¼ cup ground flax seeds
3 tablespoons cane or light brown sugar
2 tablespoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
Combine all of the ingredients in a large bowl and whisk until thoroughly mixed the fuck up. Store in an airtight jar in your pantry for up to 6 months.
Don’t know how to make pancakes? Here we gooooo. Mix 1 cup mix with 1 cup almond or other non-dairy milk in a bowl until just mixed up. A chunk or two is ok. Heat a skillet or griddle over medium heat. Place scoops of batter onto the griddle and cook until they have slightly browned on the edges and there are a lot of air bubbles coming up from the middle. Flip and cook for an additional minute. You know how to serve them. They’re pancakes.
3. Infused Simple Syrups
Got friends and family who are more into cocktails and fancy drinks than breakfast? We got you. Make some infused simple syrups for them to add to their bar cart with a suggestion or two on what they can use them in. Get fancy as fuck jars at your local restaurant supply store for cheap or upcycle something you’ve got saved at home. Either way, people will be excited and will absolutely ask you for the recipe.
Homemade Infused Simple Syrup
Makes about 2 ½ cups
2 cups water
2 cup granulated sugar
Add-in ideas: a couple sprigs of mint, rosemary, or basil; slice of lemon, orange, grapefruit or lime rind (no pith); a couple thick slices of peeled ginger; a chile or two, a cinnamon stick; a few lavender buds
Add the water and sugar to a medium saucepan over a medium heat. Stir frequently until the sugar dissolves fully into the water. No little grains of sand looking shit floating around. Let this simmer for about 5 minutes to give the syrup enough time to thicken just a hair and to make sure all the sugar dissolves. Turn off the heat and add whatever flavoring agent you want and let those fuckers cool down together so that the syrup really gets all infused. Once everything is cool, pull out whatever you added to the syrup, throw it in a clean jar, and label that shit so you know what the fuck in there.
This should keep for up to a month in the fridge.
4. Homemade cookies in a bakery box
Holiday cookies are a sure-fire bet for everyone you want to show a lil sweetness to. But don’t undercut all your hard work by dropping them off on a paper plate covered in ill-fitting plastic wrap that will be gone with a light breeze. Instead, go to a bakery or your local restaurant supply store and get a couple pastry boxes. They are usually around 10-25 cents and will make your cookies look way better. Line the box with some parchment, tie a bow around it, and really sell the whole thing.
Don’t know what cookies to make? Try our White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookies or the Cowboy Cookies from Vice House for a solid as fuck cookie gift box.
5. Our books
We had to do it. Our books are great gifts for people who want to eat better, like to laugh, and/or just like good looking photos of damn delicious food. Plus, Brave New Meal just dropped so ya know they prob don’t already have it. Just saying.
No matter what or how you celebrate this holiday season, just know that we’re so grateful for you. We’d drop off boxes of cookies on all your porch if we could. We hope you had a great weekend and we’ll see you here next week where Matt is gonna give all a photography tutorial you won’t wanna miss.
Michelle and Matt
Hi! This is not related to your topic, but—-I pre-ordered your “Bad Manners” the first day you announced it..finally got it..today was the first chance I’ve had to make a recipe from it…your stuffed tomatoes..it’s in the oven as I write this…maybe you thought of this, but I doubt it or you’d have put it in the book as a “tip.” For scooping out the insides of the tomatoes a melon baller works really well..unfortunate name but handy tool. Also, I live with someone who doesn’t think a stuffed tomato is a solo main dish…suggestions for pairings would be helpful…I made knishes, since it’s the first night of Chanukah. It’s an everything and everyone got stuffed kind of day…lol…thanks for all the great meals…I have all your books..and you helped make my partner more open-minded about vegan foods…thanks especially for that.