Restaurants in Retrograde

the universe is realigned, everything old is new again

Goooooooood MORNING (afternoon? evening? I dunno when tf y’all get around to reading this) BROILER ROOM!! Last week I recapped my road trip and food journey across California for Fast as Fuck so this week, we’re overdue for some food news. Grab a fork and let’s dig in! 

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You ever tried to order from one of your favorite restaurants only to realize, shit, they’re closed on Tuesdays. That’s weird. How could you not know that? You swear that you’ve eaten here on Tuesdays before, right? Well you’re not crazy, lots of restaurants have tightened their hours post 2020, with some only open 4 days a week. This idea is neither new nor outlandish. 

In fact, a 4 day work week is a growing trend with pilot programs that were so successful that both managers and employees agreed that “no amount of money” would convince them to return to a 5 day work week. Considering the summer of strikes we’re experiencing, maybe every industry could use a 3 day weekend. Which, we have unions to thank for the existing 40 hour work week and 2 day weekend. 

Boston Market’s headquarters were recently raided by authorities as the chicken chain faces multiple lawsuits from employees and property owners. Facing more than $11 million in unpaid bills, so don’t be surprised if your suburb suddenly loses it’s regular rotisserie spot. 

Chains die all the time, usually to poor management. McDonalds actually owned Boston Market briefly in 2000 and breathed new life into it with clever marketing before selling it about 7 years later. But in 2020 while on a downward trend of shuttering locations, Boston Market was purchased by the Rohan Group and the new owners only added fuel to the dumpster fire.

I dunno about y’all but I personally enjoy watching the slow death of franchises. Driving past a random Quizno’s and being like “Oh shit, they’re still in business?!” Remember Bennigan’s? Or Rax Roast Beef? Or Long John Silvers? Growing up my neighborhood had all 3 at the same intersection. Today it’s a Jack in the Box, tax preparation office, and Taco Cabana. One stop shopping.

food from my childhood was a gritty intersection (MidJourney render)

Speaking of death and rebirth, all-you-can-eat buffets are BACK BABY! Last year buffets were at $5.5 billion, up by almost 10% from 2021 which is a significant increase.

This actually makes sense given the pandemic and recent inflation. It’s tough to feed a family without breaking the bank. Plus, the rise-and-fall of buffets completely missed the era of social media where today people are not only sharing the menu offerings but the low prices, doing buffets a huge marketing favor. I personally grew up on Golden Corral in Texas, so my heart will always be reaching for another buffet tray.

ARE THOSE HOT FUDGE SUNDAES?!

And finally a hilarious trend in China called “White People Meals” is going viral. The concept is basic, cold dishes that require no cooking, and if you’re thinking of a struggle sandwich you’re on the mark.

Chef Andrew Wong puts it succinctly:

China is awash with Western cultural references – art, philosophy, fashion, food. This has happened in a relatively recent and short timeframe given the history of China’s relationship with the West. It takes time to adjust to understanding the reasons behind some things and that includes certain foods.

via Twitter or X or whatever Elon is calling it now

My girlfriend regularly enjoys turkey wrapped around a piece of cheese as a snack. My buddy adds tuna to cold spaghetti noodles. Hell, even I enjoy cold cucumber slices with chopped red onion and apple cider vinegar tossed in a bowl as a lazy salad. So before you get upset about the “white people food” trend, take a long look at yourself in the mirror and judge thy own culinary chaos.

I could mob y’all with so much more nonsense but that’s gonna do it for this week. If you haven’t already subscribed to our Sunday Recipe Club, well you’re gonna miss out on Tomato Tamari Noodles, a summertime must-eat. 

May your sink be empty and knives stay sharp. 

-Matt