Resting Grinch Face

getting in the spirit with pasta and a break

Michelle’s cat Clementine is tirelessly searching for Santa

We’re burned out. You’re burned out. We are all fucking exhausted and in need of a nationwide nap. So this week we are going to keep it simple and give y’all a little gift. You’ve earned it.

Adam Liaw @adamliaw

Home security reminder. A lot of people are going away for Christmas which makes their homes easy pickings for burglars. For security reasons I strongly recommend leaving one of your children behind to construct a series of elaborate booby traps and defend your interests.

Last week we posted a picture of a pasta we whipped up for lunch and the commotion about the lack of recipe was wild. We heard your demands. It’s simple, hearty, and will warm you the fuck up as the nights get colder. It’s our Winter Rigatoni and we’re sharing the recipe here with y’all as a Broiler Room special. We usually reserve the exclusive recipes, like our Winter Squash and Sage Dumpling, for the paid-supporters of this newsletter but since it’s the season of giving, we thought we’d spread the love.

But before we get to the recipe, we wanted to let y’all know that we’re taking the next two weeks off for a long-overdue break. In the history of our lil food company, Matt and I have never been away from our “desks” at the same time. One of us is always here, burning the midnight oil and counting the beans. But this year we’re gonna put up an away message, hide our phones, close the podcast studio, and try to relax a little. We hope you guys can do the same, ideally with a bowl of this rigatoni.

Winter Rigatoni

Serves 4

1 box rigatoni, cooked to the package directions

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 large onion, minced

2 medium carrots, minced

1 rib of celery, minced

4 oz of cremini or button mushrooms, minced, slightly less than 2 cups total*

1 tablespoon soy sauce or tamari

2 tablespoons tomato paste

2 teaspoons dried thyme

2 teaspoons paprika

½ teaspoon ground cumin

½ teaspoon black pepper

2 bay leaves

5 cloves of garlic, minced

2 tablespoons sherry vinegar

2/3 cup beluga/black lentils*

1 cup of your fav red wine or ¾ cup veggie broth and ¼ red wine vinegar

3 cups vegetable broth

2 tablespoons nutritional yeast

2 tablespoons flour

½ cup chopped fresh parsley

Juice of half a lemon or more sherry vinegar

Salt and pepper to taste

Cook the pasta according to the package directions. While that shit is boiling, chop all the veggies.

While the pasta is draining in the sink, use that same pot to make the sauce. Warm up the olive oil over a medium heat. Add the onion and sauté it around with a pinch of salt for about 5 minutes or until it starts to look translucent. Add the carrot and celery and cook for another 5-7 minutes until the onion gets some color on it. Add the mushrooms and soy sauce and cook for another 3 minutes so that the mushrooms can release some of their moisture. Plop in the tomato paste, spices, garlic, and vinegar and cook it all up just long enough to get everything mixed together. Add the lentils and wine and mix that fucker all up again. Now pour in the veggie broth and let this come to a gentle simmer, stirring occasionally, until the lentils are tender, about 18-25 minutes.

When the lentils taste done, shake the nutritional yeast and flour over the top and gently mix them in. This will help make the sauce thicken up so don’t just dump that shit in or you’ll end up with a gross glob. Let this simmer for 2-3 minutes and you should feel it kinda start to thicken just a little. Fold in the pasta and herbs and let this all cook together for another 1-2 minutes so the pasta can absorb all the fucking flavor you just built.

Now turn off the heat, add the lemon juice, and salt and pepper to taste. Serve right away and top with more parsley to make that shit look fancy.

* These lentils hold their shape better than your standard brown or green lentil so they’re worth hunting for.

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Be sure you don’t miss our year end finale of Forked Up. This week we explore the mythology of mistletoe, dishwasher soup, and why the FDA had to tell consumers to stop eating dirt. Michelle proposes replacing car horns with beans while Matt considers the gnocchi black market.

Thank y’all so much for joining us here in The Broiler Room every week, on Forked Up, on our social channels, and supporting our books. We wouldn’t be able to do any of this without your support and we’re so goddamn grateful to each and every one of you. Seriously. We’re gonna come back after the break with a shit ton of new content. Stay tuned.

Until then, we hope your holidays are merry, your new year’s is bright, and if you eat any snow, we hope that it’s white.

Michelle and Matt