Ride or Die Hand Pies

using all our jam and becoming friends

Hey beautiful Broiler Heads. It’s a new week and we got a brand new, paid subscribers only benefit that we wanna share with you. We’ve got a lot of projects in the works but most of them aren’t ready for prime time yet. We’ve been scratching our heads trying to figure out how to share all this stuff with you guys, our real ride-or-die’s, when so much of it is still in the production phase. But we’ve finally got that shit figured out. If you want some real behind the scenes shit, leave your Instagram handle in the comments below or email it to us, and we’ll put you on our ✨Close Friends✨ list. That’ll give you access to tons of secret content that goes into trying to run a food brand. It’s way less curated than our typical feed and will bring us just a lil closer together. You can DM us your cooking questions and they won’t end up in an anonymous inbox graveyard because you’ll be in the inner circle babyyyyy. We love getting to know y’all and this is gonna be a ton of fun for all of us. It’ll be our own little, nontoxic corner of the internet and we’re fucking stoked.

close friends for life

Not on IG? Don’t fear, we’re cooking up lots of new ways to build a stronger community here (pun intended). Lord knows we could all use more support these days from some cool people who love food as much as we do. Have an idea for a new benefit you’d like to see? Let us know in the comments or in an email. We’re real humans who read all your responses so reach out whenever you feel like it. We’ll hit you back as soon as we can, promise. Now back to the food.

This week we’re doing an encore performance of our Summer Jam Sessions. In an effort to help you use all that delicious jam you’ve undoubtedly been turning out, we’re crafted a easy lil hand pie recipe that freezes like a dream so you can always have a sweet, homemade treat ready to fucking go. Plus, they’re so goddamn delicious that they’ll get people thinking you might be an heir to the Toaster Strudel empire.

This is our favorite extra flakey pie crust for when you really wanna flex. This makes 1 double crust so if you only want to make 8 hand pies, just half the recipe. But a smart motherfucker would make it as is, wrap that extra crust in some plastic wrap and stick that shit in the freezer for a rainy day. Just let it thaw for a bit on the counter before rolling it out.

Extra Flakey Pie Dough

Makes 2 pie crusts, enough for 16 hand pies

2 ½ cups all-purpose flour

2 tablespoons cane sugar

½ teaspoon salt

1 stick nondairy butter, chopped into chunks and frozen for at least an hour

4 tablespoons coconut oil or shortening, chopped into chunks and frozen for at least an hour

1/2 cup ice cold water

In a medium mixing bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, and salt.

Dump the chopped up cold butter and coconut oil into the flour bowl. Using a pastry cutter or 2 big-ass forks, mush all the fat into the flour until there aren’t any big chunks. It should look like clumpy sand with a bunch of pea-sized fat pebbles in it. If any of the fat starts getting too melted, stick the entire fucking bowl back in the freezer for a few minutes so they can firm up. When you bake the crust, those fat little pebbles are gonna melt, leaving little pockets in the crust making it all flakey. That’s why you wanna keep all this as cold as possible. We want, nay WE NEED those flakes.

Sprinkle the fat filled flour with ¼ cup of the ice water and stir until a shaggy dough starts to come together. You want it to come together into a ball with as little water as possible because that can make it tough. Add as much of the rest of the water you need to make that shit happen. Pat it together into a ball and cut that shit into 2 roughly equal parts then kinda pat them into sorta flat disks about the size of a softball. Wrap them each in plastic wrap or throw them in a zip lock bag and let them chill for at least 30 minutes before you roll them out.

When you’re ready to make the hand pies, warm your oven up to 400 degrees and grab a lined baking sheet. On a floured surface, roll out your dough to about the thickness of a saltine cracker. Grab a bowl or cup with a diameter between 3-4 inches wide and trace as many of those circles as you can on the surface of the dough. You’ll probably get around 8 pies. Cut these guys out and you’re almost fucking done.

Now grab a small bowl and pour in a little nondairy milk and a splash of oil. Wet the edges of your pie dough circle, then fill one half with no more than 1 ½ tablespoons of jam. If you try to overfill them, that shit is just gonna leak out while it’s baking so let’s not waste jam, k? Fold the circle over the jam and press down the edges of the hand pie with a fork or your fingers to seal it closed. Take a sharp knife and cut a slit or two in the top of the crust to let the steam out and then place that on the cookie sheet. Keep going until all your pies are down then stick that in the oven for 15-20 minutes. Basically, when the crust looks golden brown, you’re  good to go.

Let them cool for a few minutes before digging in. Store them in the fridge or on the counter at room temp for a day or two. You can also freeze your leftovers in an airtight bag or container. Just stick it in the oven or microwave for a couple minutes to warm up and boom, instant pie.

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Thanks so much for spending your Sunday morning with us. Can’t wait to see all y’all on IG!

Michelle and Matt